Brother

You know that we were always there for each other
I know how it is once you lose another
I'm sorry for your mother
But you know I'll always be there for you and your baby brother
I know how much you used to love her
I'm sorry for the life that you had
But remember you still have your dad
I don't know how we're caught in this contradiction
But I'm wondering if I should keep following these conditions
I've done everything wrong for so long it's now become an addiction
How long will I keep forgettin
All the times I've prayed to repent sins
Redemption
Seems like my mind and body has a bad connection
The Lord is waiting for me to be part of his collection
Each day I'm full of resentment
But I know what I represent
Cause I wear it around my neck
Stop asking me for favors
When you should be asking our Savior
Come back home
I'll help you reach the Lord's throne
We talked about being homies till we were old
I gave up being a G
Cause that's not who I wanted to be
School nights we played call of duty
You were always the one that brought the girls for the movies
I never had any game
But you told me to not be ashamed
Cause one day a girl will have my last name
Told me to quit
Cause you thought that basketball was my gift
Stay straight
Don't fall to the grave
When I make it big
I'll be sure to give
Back cause I know deep down your depraved
But just like you said it's nothing to be ashamed

Brand Name

Tell me why people can't stand us
When we're around them they get frantic
I'll be honest
In the future I don't want to be a product
Not somebody's object
Don't want to be obsessed with the profit
It's practically a narcotic
Don't want to be a brand name
I just want to be hand made
From my creator
Thinking how long I'll stay here
I'm stuck in first gear
Can't go any faster because I'm in fear
Christ is my white light the one that makes things so clear
I'm tired of living in people's shadows
I'm ready for any battle
Even if it means falling back on the ground though
Y'all make Nas sick
Cause you only do it for the profit
I'm already on the top list
One day I'll go back to compton
Show everyone there's no need for vi-olence
Cause just like them I came from the floor
Something hit me in the core
Didn't want to be poor
No more
I'd do anything even if it involves gore
I'm here as the main course
You can't put me on the wait list
Cause I put in the work for great-ness
I'm trying to help people change
Remember where we once came
Help them realize we're all the same
I remember when nobody thought I would make it this way
I'm finally out of this cave
Nothing can stop this slave
I'm going down the free train
I know that hip hop has been depraved
Give me the next challenge
I'll show you how I can manage
I'm the whole package
This kids actually got talent
There's no need to panick
Cause I'm like pharoahe monch trying to bring damage
But this new rap is boring
Knocking me out like chlorine
But at the end of the day I keep the money coming
I'm not the same kid that was running
I'm a man that's now hunting

Knock Tha Hustle

We were going Mobb deep
Haven't had any sleep
Don't remember what it's like to dream
Pills to get away what you feel
Obsessed with other people's real
Keep messing with me
There will be nothing left of me
Just like your ecstasy
Life is getting the best of me
Friendship or a future casualty
I promise
People better be cautious
Cause we're having nobody's nonsense
We've been lost since
The first day we got in
Brought sin
Caught slip
Decided to stop tripping
Change my living
Start giving
Fake friends
Aren't around when the paper ends
They try to come back to make amends
But that's because they realize you can lend
I was stuck in your chains
Before I decided to change
Got me looking in the mirror thinking it's in me I'll always be the same
You didn't appreciate my decision
That's why you left me without any thinking
You're stuck out there in the hustle
While I'm here figuring out how to be normal
Man it's one big puzzle
See you from time to time purposely step on the puddle
You left me in the jungle
But I'm still ready for any rumble
Your making it more of a struggle
To stop drinking out of this beer nozzle
Bunch of Imposters
I know that the cops got ya
But don't call me cause you're not on my roster
I love life ever since I dropped ya
I'm not that same monster
I see now from the Holy Water
Came out of my depression
To help anyone with resentment
Or doubts to go back to regression
Cause I know how it is with all the different questions
Hope one day my homies learned their lesson
We don't need to do things for attention
No matter what they're can always be a correction
I'll still be here when you need protection
Because I know what it's like to go through rejection

Bother

You may have nice things
But doesn't mean you're happy underneath
You question why you exist
You want to quit
Parents make sure to always persist
Too much pressure now you see why you're little kid
Has now become an A-ddict
What happens when you lose them will you be stuck in an abyss
Some people like to act tough
But we're all going through something rough
That's what makes us one
But it's hard for us to show each other love
I remember all the different hypocrites
Now I'm not judging but this is what the difference is
They never lived this stitch
Acting like somebody they're not is how they get their attention with
Running from my problems is what kept me a distant kid
But at least I accept it cause growing up I never got one of those certificates
But that's how reality is
I remember too many kids tried to keep it real
Bullying other kids imagine how they feel
Because of you maybe one day they might not be here
I've lost a lot of friends my heart ain't clear
Bullying is the reason why a lot of kids are in fear
It makes me wonder if maybe my time is almost here
Imagine what they're parents feel like each year
Some people rely to much on popularity
And it kind of scares me
I made a lot of friends but that never really mattered to me
Cause only a couple of them stand with me
The rest are all mad at me
What's the point once you get to college
They'll never be calling
Only when they're falling
Stay true to yourself that's the best outing
Sometimes I wonder why I even bother
But I probably got it from my father
Nobody ever accepts my help why even offer
The farther you keep swimming
The harder it's going to be to keep kicking
Doing things on your own isn't winning
You should make the choice that's willing
Cause we all need a new beginning.

I pray the Lord my soul to take

I've been working hard
I've been searching for God

We're all flowers that started from the bottom
Some just blossom early
While the rest of us are still waiting for pollen
Hoping that we won't be forgotten
This place feels like one big sodom.
My parents tell me we need to be more like a family
How can we do that whenever I'm near the house my heart beats rapidly
Cause I know whenever I'll fall no one would be there to catch me
They wonder why I don't show any apathy.
Why is it that my parents called me a disgrace
To my face did they not think
That I'm just trying to get out of this place.
How come I'm always caught in the middle
How come life feels like some big riddle
Why isn't it more simple.
What I learned from tv shows was to fall in love and get lost
And to always keep reaching for the stars
But many of us are scared of the future
But we're running from our past
It seems like whenever we try it just never lasts
Sometimes you feel like becoming an outkast.

I've been working hard
I've been searching for God

Now I know why my dad is so angry
And why he always has to blame me
But whatever cause he was never there for me
But I don't tell him that
Because that's when he thinks he's in combat.
I only see my dad an hour a day
Maybe if he can see through my eyes and I can show him the replays of my childhood
Then he'll know that I'm grateful of him showing me at an early age this thing called Manhood. Sundays it feels like a stranger is eating dinner
Seems like now I lost that father figure
The one that helped me take out my first splinter
Does he remember when he told me not to be a quitter
And that you have to work everyday if you want to become a winner.
Do you remember when you told me to respect women
I still do that every hour every minute.
Because I don't want them to think of the wrong image.
You were the one that told me everyday don't do drugs
Because if I do it my social life will be done
And the only way I'll see the day of light is if I run.
I took all of your yelling
And yes this is starting to get overwhelming
Does this face look like it's still caring
Because right now it feels like i'm running
And there's no way that you're begging
Will be helping.
Try coming to my games
Maybe that will help these situations change
Oh you have work I see now what a shame
Start talking to me again when i'm not to blame.

I've been working hard
I've been searching for God
Seems like everyday I see all of my different flaws.

I can tell my mom's stressing
I just hope she doesn't end up with depression
Maybe she needs a refreshment
That she's the best that God has sent us.
I wish I could tell her that but I've been answering lesser and lesser
Because I know I don't make things better
I gave them my effort
I feel like I'm under pressure
I never kept things together
My brother was always the one that's been more clever.
But Mom you're the one I don't want to disappoint.
Because you're the one that helped me with my way point.
Mom I'm scared to tell you that I'm not going to college
I know how you tell me knowledge
Is important but I'm here to tell you that this world isn't flawless
Why do you think so many of our brothers and sisters have fallen.
I know that I have the grades
I know I have that GPA
But I don't have the act score that will get me away.
Cause some kid decided to be discreet
And cheat off me
And now we both sit here in defeat.  
I just hope that you believe
That whatever I do you'll know I'll achieve
You just have to let me be released
I'm not that kid anymore that was running from the police.

I've been working hard
I've been searching for God
Seems like everyday I see all of my different flaws
Maybe one day all of these claws
Will turn into applause
And then we can all get along.

Listen family I'm so sorry that I've been distant
I know that my timing has been inconsistent
Everything feels so different
I know most of the time I've been resilient
But maybe one day you'll see how this world is so twisted.

I'm barely getting rid of the depression that sucks with me ever since I was an adolescent 
My thoughts were in a whirl
I started seeing a new girl
But it all fell through what a world.
That's why my friends were my family
Because we've all been through tragedy.
But now I look to my left and see my brothers selling drugs
While I look to my right and see my sisters hooking up with thugs.
It's been 2 years that I've been clean
Now I know what it's like to not be a fiend.
The last time I saw them they slugged me
They didn't recognize me they almost mugged me.
Now you see why all the things I'm pursuing
All the things that I am doing
Because I see now all the things that I am losing.
I'm a man on a mission
Nothing can stop this ambition
This new life has become my addiction
The Lord has helped me with my vision
I see now all the things I've done has been forgiven.
These are for the ones that I love the ones that I miss
I'll be here if you ever want to reminisce
Or whenever you want to call it quits
I know that it's hard to commit
But don't worry I'll be here to assist
Then you'll see the light
That shines so bright
To help you get through the night
And will help you reach new heights.
Now you've seen that I've grown
Hopefully sooner than later will be known
Because not everything is written in stone
Right now I'm just trying to defy all odds.
And with God on my side
I know that everything will be alright.


I've been working hard
I've been searching for God
Seems like everyday I see all of my different flaws
Maybe one day all of these claws
Will turn into applause
And then we can all get along.

Now I lay me down to sleep 

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

Faces in the hall

You walk down the halls and sometimes you feel like they can talk. A lot of people don't feel safe it feels like high school is all just one big game. Now you see why I always pop my headphones in because I know what it's like to be left alone. When the halls talk they won't stop like an alarm clock no matter how far you walk there's nothing that you can do to help you block all of the different tick tocks. This school has turned so see through but what can we do. All of these different cliques is what destroys friendships. Some try to fit in some don't give in. I don't fit in any groups and no I won't change my looks. I'd rather be me then act how I was back when I was thirteen. You don't need everyone's approval. You need the ones that were always there for you when life was so crucial. If you don't have anyone fine but remember you still have yourself and there's no such thing as a life that's better than yours.

Heart's gone

Do you ever feel like your hearts gone or feel like it's been hit by a batton and now it just throbs and now you're asking God when will this ever stop. Some people go the same route and it gives them doubt feel like whenever they're around them they can never sprout turns out this happens day in day out. They decide to change for something that's a little strange. You feel like you're finally accepted except it was all deception now you've learned a lesson and now full of resentment. But it's hard because if you like someone it's usually homecoming queen vs the ugly duckling. Feels like love is always struggling how troubling. Your hearts hard to listen to because when you like someone you go into a war zone with no gun you don't know if you should keep chasing or just run. The heart is confusing because it's either amusing or it causes bruising. It hurts like a paper cut you forget it's there but it'll come back so beware because it's not afraid to show you where.

Counterclockwise

I remember thinking how everyone is moving forward.
I wanted to keep going backwards. I know living in the past is a hazard
but it's a big factor
to help you see what really matters.
I remember being a loner people
telling me to grow up
but let me show ya
that long ago that I was one of those people that chased after the status quo
and although I chased after this I still felt like sometimes it was a game show.
People walking forward I'm going back home.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure
I couldn't answer any better
except the man gathering the treasure
is a bit more clever
cause even though he has lesser
it still gives him pleasure
because he knows that God will love him forever.
I remember thinking back then nothing was the limit
and how slow a minute was
and how high my spirit was.
I see now people still take things for granted
but remember all the things you were handed
because I remember all the things I ever wanted
but never got it
because I felt like everything I ever got never lasted.
I notice now before everyone had money there was love
and before the money it was tough
but why is it for some it's never enough.
Or why is it when people get money
the world starts to get ugly
and people start coming to their old buddy
because they feel hungry.
You see guys in high school pimping
thinking that they're winning
but life will come back around hitting
just give it time because the clock is always ticking.
Back then somebody liked you they thought they had cooties
but as you grow up you start to see the beauty.
But some people take advantage
I wouldn't know cause I'm mostly a romantic
who's just average
not very attractive
but I still learned how to manage.
Think about if all the life you choices you made were the opposite.
I know that my life wouldn't be anything near positive.

I used to wonder what it feel like
But now, I know, achieved the goal
I ran the race I won the gold
I used to wonder what it feel like
You can really do anything.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJAUMIvTXF4

In remembrance of me

I remember chasing the ice cream trucks.
I remember being a little kid now i'm off making bucks.
I remember the first time my dad taught me how to tie my shoes.
I remember every Sunday with the family and our barbecues.
I remember watching the WWE with my brother.
I remember the first time I touched a basketball.
I remember going to the pool and can only do cannonballs.
I remember thinking that I'll end up as a pro baller.
I remember getting in fights and being a brawler.
I remember how I used to have a really bad stutter.
I remember moving from house to house.
I remember running away not thinking and people wondering where was my whereabouts.
I remember when we played Zelda on Nintendo 64.
I remember when we blasted our stereo how I wish I can relive that some more.
I remember being babysat by my great grandma.
I remember being a maniac and never cared for my asthma.
I remember the first time I learned how to ride a bike.
I remember meeting my friends and how we were so alike.
I remember being called Tank cause I was so chubby.
I remember watching boomerang and always learning from bugs bunny.
I remember always watching Allen Iverson against Kobe Bryant.
I remember when things were always silent.
I remember my teachers always acting like tyrants.
I remember moving to Utah.
I remember when I met my best friend.
I remember when I got sick in 5th grade and I couldn't attend.
I remember when Jr. High school started.
I remember all my friends leaving me I thought they were so heartless.
I remember getting in my last fight.
I remember thinking what's wrong or right.
I remember hanging out with my dad and flying our kite.
I remember my mom teaching me how to always be polite.
I remember my dad telling me to never disrespect women.
I remember losing my first friend but I knew he was going to Heaven.
I remember the sunshine.
I remember when life was so divine.
I remember being too nervous to talk to a girl in high school.
I remember thinking how she was such a jewel.
I remember actually talking to her in Jr. year.
I remember thinking that she would never reappear.
I remember being alone.
I remember the stupid things I did just to be known.
I remember the first time I was offered weed.
I remember how cool I thought I seemed.
I remember turning my friend down.
I remember him telling me that he I thought I was a clown.
I remember seeing this girl at the gym yes at the gym. (this is my blog so I get to say whatever.)
I remember everyday I used to see her wanting to say something.
I remember coming home after seeing her suffering.
I remember the day that she stopped coming.
I remember how we always said hi to each other but nothing else.
I remember when I saw her again.
I remember thinking how the odds were against me.
I remember accidentally asking if she my buddies brother.
I remember seeing her laughter.
I remember taking her on a date.
I remember asking her to my first prom face to face.
I remember thinking that finally things are going my way.

A tale of 2 cities

This is a tale of 2 cities
Both are revered to me as great cities
While one city helped me face anything gritty
The other helped me start a new series.
While I lost some
I knew I couldn't succumb
To whatever may come because life still goes on. Back then I thought that happiness was temporary always has been
And I thought sadness would never end.
I kept asking questions
Hoping to get lessons
And fix these imperfections
And then maybe in the mirror I'll hopefully see different facial expressions.
I knew I could only a trust a few
Because some couldn't come through I didn't know who to look to
Sometimes I wish I can undo
And pursue
Something that will help me pay the dues
Sometimes it feels like deja vu
But that's just my point of view.
But that was in the past
If it was played in a movie everything would go by so fast
Put me in a art show you can see the different contrast.
That was good old Long Beach California
Which was filled with many people having insomnia
And smoking marijuana
But luckily my momma
Told me I didn't need that to find nirvana.
But my friends went the opposite
Cause instead of drinking tap water out of the faucet
They decided they wanted to make a profit
I told them there were different options
We didn't have to be those people with heaters in our pockets
They said they were scared for their families they needed to walk around with confidence
And make sure everybody knew that if they did anything there would be consequences.
But I see them now they're keeping people from starving
But drugs is what they're farming
But they still haven't done any harming.
The present
Is what helped me stop living life like a peasant
Be grateful for what i'm given
But I didn't know how Utah was going to help me with the second segment
Of my story
Well maybe it'll help me chase for glory.

Shoes

My shoes I can tell which one are my shoes because they're always torn I bet that they wish they could be returned. My shoes have been through abuse because they have been reuse. I haven't had brand new shoes in awhile so my shoes are always out of style but it doesn't mean I don't have to smile because it's not like there's a trial for bad shoe attire. If I was judged on appearance then I should go give my clothes back to clearance sales like good riddance. But as long as they get me the distance then I don't care cause I know that's business. I get shoes rarely because I know how much they vary it's always changing so I don't care for some fad or just to look rad everyone just has to live life glad.

Like Me

This is my second intro
because back then I wasn't look up to as a hero.
I was that family member that was seen as going nowhere
the friend that had a lot of talent but was still considered a zero.
Each day felt like a seesaw somedays were up some were down
maybe it was this town
that made my expression frown.
Maybe it was the friends I chose
the one that kept me on my toes whenever we were going to go get clothes
because I know how they like to impose.
But that's why I took advantage
and decided to take my damage
and vanish.
I didn't know what it was like to forfeit
leave the horses
that helped keep me out the coffin.
I knew that it was abrupt
but that's because I heard something from above that this was enough
find a new love
and that when you look at yourself in the mirror you won't see yourself in disgust.
All we wanted to be was kings
we knew we were young but all we needed were the rings
in order for us to have everything.
This is escape 101
for all the kids that are afraid and feel like five hundred tons
it's okay to run.
This is for all the kids like me all the kids that were tired like me
all the kids that were inspired like me
all the kids that felt like an outsider like me
all the kids that are like me Jesse Sedano. Extortion was who I was not who I am anymore because God came knocking on my door
and of course there was no way I was going to ignore.
I changed my life for the better
because everyday I felt under pressure
but now I know I'm under God's shelter.
I'm still trying to chase my dreams
because one day I'm going to get my family out of this scene.
My family is looking up to me
and there's no way we're going back to poverty
it doesn't matter if I grew up as a minority
I know what is my priority
and one day I'll also give back to my community. This is my life my story
and I know that I have family and friends that will always support me. -Jesse Sedano the kid that always shows up late to class.