I pray the Lord my soul to take

I've been working hard
I've been searching for God

We're all flowers that started from the bottom
Some just blossom early
While the rest of us are still waiting for pollen
Hoping that we won't be forgotten
This place feels like one big sodom.
My parents tell me we need to be more like a family
How can we do that whenever I'm near the house my heart beats rapidly
Cause I know whenever I'll fall no one would be there to catch me
They wonder why I don't show any apathy.
Why is it that my parents called me a disgrace
To my face did they not think
That I'm just trying to get out of this place.
How come I'm always caught in the middle
How come life feels like some big riddle
Why isn't it more simple.
What I learned from tv shows was to fall in love and get lost
And to always keep reaching for the stars
But many of us are scared of the future
But we're running from our past
It seems like whenever we try it just never lasts
Sometimes you feel like becoming an outkast.

I've been working hard
I've been searching for God

Now I know why my dad is so angry
And why he always has to blame me
But whatever cause he was never there for me
But I don't tell him that
Because that's when he thinks he's in combat.
I only see my dad an hour a day
Maybe if he can see through my eyes and I can show him the replays of my childhood
Then he'll know that I'm grateful of him showing me at an early age this thing called Manhood. Sundays it feels like a stranger is eating dinner
Seems like now I lost that father figure
The one that helped me take out my first splinter
Does he remember when he told me not to be a quitter
And that you have to work everyday if you want to become a winner.
Do you remember when you told me to respect women
I still do that every hour every minute.
Because I don't want them to think of the wrong image.
You were the one that told me everyday don't do drugs
Because if I do it my social life will be done
And the only way I'll see the day of light is if I run.
I took all of your yelling
And yes this is starting to get overwhelming
Does this face look like it's still caring
Because right now it feels like i'm running
And there's no way that you're begging
Will be helping.
Try coming to my games
Maybe that will help these situations change
Oh you have work I see now what a shame
Start talking to me again when i'm not to blame.

I've been working hard
I've been searching for God
Seems like everyday I see all of my different flaws.

I can tell my mom's stressing
I just hope she doesn't end up with depression
Maybe she needs a refreshment
That she's the best that God has sent us.
I wish I could tell her that but I've been answering lesser and lesser
Because I know I don't make things better
I gave them my effort
I feel like I'm under pressure
I never kept things together
My brother was always the one that's been more clever.
But Mom you're the one I don't want to disappoint.
Because you're the one that helped me with my way point.
Mom I'm scared to tell you that I'm not going to college
I know how you tell me knowledge
Is important but I'm here to tell you that this world isn't flawless
Why do you think so many of our brothers and sisters have fallen.
I know that I have the grades
I know I have that GPA
But I don't have the act score that will get me away.
Cause some kid decided to be discreet
And cheat off me
And now we both sit here in defeat.  
I just hope that you believe
That whatever I do you'll know I'll achieve
You just have to let me be released
I'm not that kid anymore that was running from the police.

I've been working hard
I've been searching for God
Seems like everyday I see all of my different flaws
Maybe one day all of these claws
Will turn into applause
And then we can all get along.

Listen family I'm so sorry that I've been distant
I know that my timing has been inconsistent
Everything feels so different
I know most of the time I've been resilient
But maybe one day you'll see how this world is so twisted.

I'm barely getting rid of the depression that sucks with me ever since I was an adolescent 
My thoughts were in a whirl
I started seeing a new girl
But it all fell through what a world.
That's why my friends were my family
Because we've all been through tragedy.
But now I look to my left and see my brothers selling drugs
While I look to my right and see my sisters hooking up with thugs.
It's been 2 years that I've been clean
Now I know what it's like to not be a fiend.
The last time I saw them they slugged me
They didn't recognize me they almost mugged me.
Now you see why all the things I'm pursuing
All the things that I am doing
Because I see now all the things that I am losing.
I'm a man on a mission
Nothing can stop this ambition
This new life has become my addiction
The Lord has helped me with my vision
I see now all the things I've done has been forgiven.
These are for the ones that I love the ones that I miss
I'll be here if you ever want to reminisce
Or whenever you want to call it quits
I know that it's hard to commit
But don't worry I'll be here to assist
Then you'll see the light
That shines so bright
To help you get through the night
And will help you reach new heights.
Now you've seen that I've grown
Hopefully sooner than later will be known
Because not everything is written in stone
Right now I'm just trying to defy all odds.
And with God on my side
I know that everything will be alright.


I've been working hard
I've been searching for God
Seems like everyday I see all of my different flaws
Maybe one day all of these claws
Will turn into applause
And then we can all get along.

Now I lay me down to sleep 

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

Faces in the hall

You walk down the halls and sometimes you feel like they can talk. A lot of people don't feel safe it feels like high school is all just one big game. Now you see why I always pop my headphones in because I know what it's like to be left alone. When the halls talk they won't stop like an alarm clock no matter how far you walk there's nothing that you can do to help you block all of the different tick tocks. This school has turned so see through but what can we do. All of these different cliques is what destroys friendships. Some try to fit in some don't give in. I don't fit in any groups and no I won't change my looks. I'd rather be me then act how I was back when I was thirteen. You don't need everyone's approval. You need the ones that were always there for you when life was so crucial. If you don't have anyone fine but remember you still have yourself and there's no such thing as a life that's better than yours.

Heart's gone

Do you ever feel like your hearts gone or feel like it's been hit by a batton and now it just throbs and now you're asking God when will this ever stop. Some people go the same route and it gives them doubt feel like whenever they're around them they can never sprout turns out this happens day in day out. They decide to change for something that's a little strange. You feel like you're finally accepted except it was all deception now you've learned a lesson and now full of resentment. But it's hard because if you like someone it's usually homecoming queen vs the ugly duckling. Feels like love is always struggling how troubling. Your hearts hard to listen to because when you like someone you go into a war zone with no gun you don't know if you should keep chasing or just run. The heart is confusing because it's either amusing or it causes bruising. It hurts like a paper cut you forget it's there but it'll come back so beware because it's not afraid to show you where.

Counterclockwise

I remember thinking how everyone is moving forward.
I wanted to keep going backwards. I know living in the past is a hazard
but it's a big factor
to help you see what really matters.
I remember being a loner people
telling me to grow up
but let me show ya
that long ago that I was one of those people that chased after the status quo
and although I chased after this I still felt like sometimes it was a game show.
People walking forward I'm going back home.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure
I couldn't answer any better
except the man gathering the treasure
is a bit more clever
cause even though he has lesser
it still gives him pleasure
because he knows that God will love him forever.
I remember thinking back then nothing was the limit
and how slow a minute was
and how high my spirit was.
I see now people still take things for granted
but remember all the things you were handed
because I remember all the things I ever wanted
but never got it
because I felt like everything I ever got never lasted.
I notice now before everyone had money there was love
and before the money it was tough
but why is it for some it's never enough.
Or why is it when people get money
the world starts to get ugly
and people start coming to their old buddy
because they feel hungry.
You see guys in high school pimping
thinking that they're winning
but life will come back around hitting
just give it time because the clock is always ticking.
Back then somebody liked you they thought they had cooties
but as you grow up you start to see the beauty.
But some people take advantage
I wouldn't know cause I'm mostly a romantic
who's just average
not very attractive
but I still learned how to manage.
Think about if all the life you choices you made were the opposite.
I know that my life wouldn't be anything near positive.

I used to wonder what it feel like
But now, I know, achieved the goal
I ran the race I won the gold
I used to wonder what it feel like
You can really do anything.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJAUMIvTXF4

In remembrance of me

I remember chasing the ice cream trucks.
I remember being a little kid now i'm off making bucks.
I remember the first time my dad taught me how to tie my shoes.
I remember every Sunday with the family and our barbecues.
I remember watching the WWE with my brother.
I remember the first time I touched a basketball.
I remember going to the pool and can only do cannonballs.
I remember thinking that I'll end up as a pro baller.
I remember getting in fights and being a brawler.
I remember how I used to have a really bad stutter.
I remember moving from house to house.
I remember running away not thinking and people wondering where was my whereabouts.
I remember when we played Zelda on Nintendo 64.
I remember when we blasted our stereo how I wish I can relive that some more.
I remember being babysat by my great grandma.
I remember being a maniac and never cared for my asthma.
I remember the first time I learned how to ride a bike.
I remember meeting my friends and how we were so alike.
I remember being called Tank cause I was so chubby.
I remember watching boomerang and always learning from bugs bunny.
I remember always watching Allen Iverson against Kobe Bryant.
I remember when things were always silent.
I remember my teachers always acting like tyrants.
I remember moving to Utah.
I remember when I met my best friend.
I remember when I got sick in 5th grade and I couldn't attend.
I remember when Jr. High school started.
I remember all my friends leaving me I thought they were so heartless.
I remember getting in my last fight.
I remember thinking what's wrong or right.
I remember hanging out with my dad and flying our kite.
I remember my mom teaching me how to always be polite.
I remember my dad telling me to never disrespect women.
I remember losing my first friend but I knew he was going to Heaven.
I remember the sunshine.
I remember when life was so divine.
I remember being too nervous to talk to a girl in high school.
I remember thinking how she was such a jewel.
I remember actually talking to her in Jr. year.
I remember thinking that she would never reappear.
I remember being alone.
I remember the stupid things I did just to be known.
I remember the first time I was offered weed.
I remember how cool I thought I seemed.
I remember turning my friend down.
I remember him telling me that he I thought I was a clown.
I remember seeing this girl at the gym yes at the gym. (this is my blog so I get to say whatever.)
I remember everyday I used to see her wanting to say something.
I remember coming home after seeing her suffering.
I remember the day that she stopped coming.
I remember how we always said hi to each other but nothing else.
I remember when I saw her again.
I remember thinking how the odds were against me.
I remember accidentally asking if she my buddies brother.
I remember seeing her laughter.
I remember taking her on a date.
I remember asking her to my first prom face to face.
I remember thinking that finally things are going my way.

A tale of 2 cities

This is a tale of 2 cities
Both are revered to me as great cities
While one city helped me face anything gritty
The other helped me start a new series.
While I lost some
I knew I couldn't succumb
To whatever may come because life still goes on. Back then I thought that happiness was temporary always has been
And I thought sadness would never end.
I kept asking questions
Hoping to get lessons
And fix these imperfections
And then maybe in the mirror I'll hopefully see different facial expressions.
I knew I could only a trust a few
Because some couldn't come through I didn't know who to look to
Sometimes I wish I can undo
And pursue
Something that will help me pay the dues
Sometimes it feels like deja vu
But that's just my point of view.
But that was in the past
If it was played in a movie everything would go by so fast
Put me in a art show you can see the different contrast.
That was good old Long Beach California
Which was filled with many people having insomnia
And smoking marijuana
But luckily my momma
Told me I didn't need that to find nirvana.
But my friends went the opposite
Cause instead of drinking tap water out of the faucet
They decided they wanted to make a profit
I told them there were different options
We didn't have to be those people with heaters in our pockets
They said they were scared for their families they needed to walk around with confidence
And make sure everybody knew that if they did anything there would be consequences.
But I see them now they're keeping people from starving
But drugs is what they're farming
But they still haven't done any harming.
The present
Is what helped me stop living life like a peasant
Be grateful for what i'm given
But I didn't know how Utah was going to help me with the second segment
Of my story
Well maybe it'll help me chase for glory.

Shoes

My shoes I can tell which one are my shoes because they're always torn I bet that they wish they could be returned. My shoes have been through abuse because they have been reuse. I haven't had brand new shoes in awhile so my shoes are always out of style but it doesn't mean I don't have to smile because it's not like there's a trial for bad shoe attire. If I was judged on appearance then I should go give my clothes back to clearance sales like good riddance. But as long as they get me the distance then I don't care cause I know that's business. I get shoes rarely because I know how much they vary it's always changing so I don't care for some fad or just to look rad everyone just has to live life glad.

Like Me

This is my second intro
because back then I wasn't look up to as a hero.
I was that family member that was seen as going nowhere
the friend that had a lot of talent but was still considered a zero.
Each day felt like a seesaw somedays were up some were down
maybe it was this town
that made my expression frown.
Maybe it was the friends I chose
the one that kept me on my toes whenever we were going to go get clothes
because I know how they like to impose.
But that's why I took advantage
and decided to take my damage
and vanish.
I didn't know what it was like to forfeit
leave the horses
that helped keep me out the coffin.
I knew that it was abrupt
but that's because I heard something from above that this was enough
find a new love
and that when you look at yourself in the mirror you won't see yourself in disgust.
All we wanted to be was kings
we knew we were young but all we needed were the rings
in order for us to have everything.
This is escape 101
for all the kids that are afraid and feel like five hundred tons
it's okay to run.
This is for all the kids like me all the kids that were tired like me
all the kids that were inspired like me
all the kids that felt like an outsider like me
all the kids that are like me Jesse Sedano. Extortion was who I was not who I am anymore because God came knocking on my door
and of course there was no way I was going to ignore.
I changed my life for the better
because everyday I felt under pressure
but now I know I'm under God's shelter.
I'm still trying to chase my dreams
because one day I'm going to get my family out of this scene.
My family is looking up to me
and there's no way we're going back to poverty
it doesn't matter if I grew up as a minority
I know what is my priority
and one day I'll also give back to my community. This is my life my story
and I know that I have family and friends that will always support me. -Jesse Sedano the kid that always shows up late to class.

Hazeus View

Hey Jesus will my friends ever see you through their Hazeus will they ever see the angel that helped their friend become faithful. How come they keep changing I personally need some explaining because their life is like some war painting I wonder how many of them are still remaining. The last I heard was that another one was gone but Lord I've been trying to hold on. It's hard to wake up to dawn and remember all the times that we were just little prawns doing small time cons not knowing what we were doing was so wrong. Please Jesus help them see through their hazeus. I know that their mind is clouded but show them that you're around give them time like you gave me sooner or later they'll hear the bells chime. They'll find true love once they check the rhyme. They just need time to figure out their problems so then they can blossom because when they were growing up they didn't have any role models. Help them look into the stars and see what's going on upstairs so they know that there's something to look forward to. They need you to help keep them uplifting and comforting rather than them drifting. All they ever wanted was for someone to be there for them but looks like the drugs helped them change and lead them to the gangs. If Heaven was a mile away would you still live life gray or would you run today because I know I wouldn't be able to stay in a world that has no escape.

Experiment

Chercher à celle de haute qualité, tout le monde veut être affichée comme jamais peur. Mais ce est une révision à la baisse parce que ce est un jeu qui ne devrait jamais être joué. Ils se détournent de leurs problèmes pour les bouteilles de toxines jusqu'à leur connaissance est allé jusqu'à l'automne prochain. Trouver quelqu'un qui vous aidera, profiter parce que les amis vont et viennent comme bagages. Soyez heureux. Soyez bavard. Soyez drôle. Soyez bâclée être quelque chose qui vous rend heureux parce que cette chose qui fait mal si mal peut se terminer rapidement.

Piece Of Mind

Why is it my dad has to be working 40+ hours a week why is it I grew up weak. Why couldn't I have a stay at home mom a mom that I can applaud whenever she can help keep me warm. The only person watching me was my brother but he'd rather be with other kids for the summer but he has to take care of his baby brother. Both parents anonymous but they promised that this would help give me confidence. But how was I supposed to believe that when every day there's new arguments in our apartments. Why is it we worked so much but yet life was still tough I guess that's what we get for not giving up. I guess that reflected on me at school because they thought of me as a distraction they should've put a caution sign on me because of all of my stupid actions but that's because I felt abandoned. Kicked out of school for not listening to the rules but I'm still holding on. Why could't my dad help me with sports or help me with life's different course because everyday I feel like it's getting worse. 5th grade I felt stray detention everyday had to write in the dictionary just to participate. It's cause I didn't put in enough effort something I will regret forever but it's something that I think of lesser. This is my piece of mind I was never designed for something like this so I need to rewind and stop walking around so blind. I realize this is reality this is all part of humanity what some people think as normality I think of my family because sometimes we live unhappily. This piece of mind helps give me peace of mind cause I know how I don't want to be with my family in the future.

My deepest fear

So i'm doing this thing where each song fits the blog so evidence- chase the clouds away is going to fit this song and then Piece of Mind by Joey Bada$$ is going to fit my next blog My deepest fear is when my mind isn't clear and my social anxiety takes over my reality. What happened to me I used to try to become friends with everyone but I guess that's because several of them when into Heaven. I just listen to my music in classes because i'm afraid that they're laughing at my fashion but I lose multiple chances to meet new people because my seat belt is already fasten. There are days where I think of giving into weed because sometimes I feel like it's something I need something that will help me feel free. I'm scared of going into work and finding out that I lost another one of my friends because any day now they can meet their end but I know that they've amends. They've accepted fate I wish I can debate but they'll soon reach their estate. I'm afraid to go home it's no rome but it's where my friends and I roll. Family is always arguing with each other it's like thunder no wonder why I always shutter. I'm afraid that I'll mess up with this new girl because when I'm with her my head starts to twirl I feel like i'm in a different world. I hope I don't become nervous oh I know she sees me squirmish but she thinks I'm a great person. I've never felt this way but I shouldn't get my hopes up because she can play with me like a jump rope. But I should be happy because I'm alive i'm living life everyday I survive. I must've chased the dark clouds away it's another day that I don't feel astray because the more I prey I know it'll be a good day. So I shouldn't complain because I'm not afraid I've learned to embrace and erase the mistakes that I used to display.

Crooked Smile

At first I couldn't stand myself but the beauty evened out the beast

 and now I hollow out the streets. I love my crooked smile 

because it shows all of my life style

 all the trials

 that I went through for awhile.

 To all the flawed 

people don't worry even those with those perfect smiles are all frauds

 but they're just better at hiding it then we are.

 It's better to be crooked

 and an open booklet

 because those that are wounded

 can't accept the rugged looking.

 I'm not insecure I'm just shy

 I'm one of those guys 

that girls just run by

 the one that can never supply

 that rich life

 but I do hope that one day I'll have a wife.

 But till then I'll just be living

 and forgiving because i'm missing

 all those kids that were practically my siblings 

but there's beauty in the struggle 

because even though they're in the hustle

 they're still figuring out the puzzle. 

That's when i'll be living cool calm collect 

full of content. 

But I can't help but doubt 

because there's always different routes 

I just hope that they don't succumb to the drought. 

Be happy with your imperfection

 because that's a collection 

of the rejection

 that happened throughout your adolescence.

 It gets better each time you accept it.

This is where I got the idea for this blog but to me this isn't really a blog to me anymore it's more like songs for me now.

Life The Biggest Troll

"It's the game of life. Do I win or do I lose? One day they're gonna shut the game down. I gotta have as much fun and go around the board as many times as I can before it's my turn to leave." -Tupac Shakur “We wouldn't ask why a rose that grew from the concrete for having damaged petals, in turn, we would all celebrate its tenacity, we would all love its will to reach the sun, well, we are the roses, this is the concrete and these are my damaged petals, don't ask me why, thank god, and ask me how” ― Tupac Shakur LIfe the biggest troll over time it takes a toll because you feel like you don't have control it can lead you through a black hole and can one day take that innocent soul. It doesn't matter who we are we all go through similar struggles it doesn't mean we have to go through that dark tunnel alone that's full of our troubles. When we the roses grew from the concrete it doesn't mean that we defeated what came from beneath we need to keep pushing because this world is still full of deceit. WE need to believe that we can succeed. I don't want to feel sadness but yet that's life it comes with different situations that everyone feels across the nations I wish I can chase them but I have to be patient. But of course that's life. You learn from your biggest mistakes when you're in pain or coming up into the real world with damaged petals but I guess that's what makes us special. Is our damaged petals because they can heal because then after everything that's happened. You can feel, You are alive you need to arise like sunrise you've survived don't be surprised tonight isn't the last time that you say goodbye.

Untitled

Today I didn't really know what to write mostly cause I've been confused with everything that's been happening lately. But today was a little different. Today was the first day that I didn't have work in a month I was asleep for 15 hours. But today I remembered all the friends that I have just recently lost and I couldn't handle it. That's why this post is mostly just the new songs that I put on today to help people get though tough times or the battle that they are fighting with themselves. The very first song is what helped me when my friend Brandon passed away. I would have put on more songs but grooveshark doesn't have all of the songs that I listen to. By the way if you listen to Under Pressure by Logic it's not the first part of the song that helped me, it's the second part when he's talking about all of his family struggles.